When I met God, I eventually answered the call to give Him everything and follow as a priest. But, I began to wonder where music fit. For a time, I thought music would have to go. How could I serve two masters? I sold my electric guitar and bought a classical, thinking that would at least be acceptable/respectable in the seminary. I studied classical for three years and even became decent at this highly disciplined form of guitar playing.
One day towards the end of seminary, I was playing classical and suddenly, without warning, something just snapped inside me. I spontaneously began ripping into a bunch of riffs and blues licks. A thrill and joy came back to me and I just tore it up on that nylon string guitar for, like, an hour. Maybe more. A few weeks later, I bought another electric guitar.
I have always struggled to reconcile my love for “rock ‘n’ roll” (a rather general category with many broad meanings) with being a priest. Songs have a magical, almost sacramental quality for me. They take me someplace beautiful which just feels right and true. I just can’t believe that God is displeased with this, at least when it’s done well. As an aspiring songwriter, I have always felt that some things can only be said through songs. But some people frown on this. Shouldn’t a priest be only concerned with prayer and the church? Isn’t anything else inappropriate, even selfish?
I have always wondered why God would give me a passion for music, only to ask me to give it all up. Isn’t there a middle ground? Can’t some good come from a priest who happens to also love and play music, even if it is not explicitly Christian/Praise music? I have always been a rather unconventional priest. I often feel like a square peg in a round hole. I often struggle with feelings of inferiority to other priests who don’t seem to struggle with such attachments. I often wish I could just be content to do prayer and the Word and the sacraments and be happy, like so many other priests who I recognize as being holier and superior to myself. Sometimes, I wonder if my music is just part of a stupid ego trip, and that I should finally give it up and be a “real” priest.
But I have chosen to follow my heart, and as I have come to know God better as a tender and loving Father, I have come to more peace being “myself,” quirky and unconventional as that is. And, I have seen a lot of good God has done by using me as I am, rather than as some forced icon I can never be.
Anyway, I feel like it all came together last night. I got to play music and share songs with my beloved students, who have become my dear friends. The reason I know them is because I am their priest. And the whole reason for the evening was to raise $$$ so I could go to Rome... to visit “ground zero” of my faith and priesthood. Music and songs, which I always struggled to reconcile with my priesthood, became the vehicle to get me to the “mother ship,” with the pope and all. What a blessing!
I am still processing all this, “pondering it in my heart.” I am really happy. The bottom line is: God is so good. He always surprises me, proving way better than I think. And you are so good.
I cannot adequately express my gratitude, or how moved I was, by the outpouring of love and support I experienced last night. About 110 people came to the concert, which raised over $700. I am now in the clear. All expenses are covered and I am headed to Rome! I have never been there before. I was supposed to go in 2002, but I broke my ankle a few weeks before and had to bail. I was sad, but figured, the time must not be right. I prayed: “Lord, if/when the time is right, I know you will show me.”
When the March trip with Dr. Howell and students was proposed to me last semester, I thought the time had come. I was super pumped. Unfortunately, though, I was short on cash. I asked God to let some money drop out of the sky if I was to go. Well, the December deadline came and went... and no money dropped from heaven. So, I wrote it off, and figured, oh well there’s always next time.
Then, through a series of unforeseen graces, some people worked behind the scenes to try and fund-raise for me. College students, who are basically broke, raised over $1500 on my behalf. It all culminated in last night’s concert, which raised the rest. I felt loved and honored. I felt so happy that part of the way I could raise the money to get to Rome was through my “unconventional” gift of music. I was happy to be a part of so many people having so much fun!
I sang “When the Ship Comes In” last night by Bob Dylan. For me, last night felt like my own “ship” came in... and it’s heading to Rome! (Well, ok, technically it’s a plane... but you get the idea). Thanks for letting me be myself and share my gift of my quirky, unusual self. And for your incredible love and support. I am so blessed to be a part of the Newman community. I feel like the most blessed priest in the diocese.
Special thanks go to Tom Comberiate, Pat Doherty, Marek Mroczek, Steven Boyer, Greg Morehouse, Laz Ramos, Colten Maertens, and Bill Fox, the “Fever” guys who organized this event, via the Kinights of Columbus, and generously opened their home and hosted the event, with lots of sacrifice. Thanks to Shea Acott, Amanda Ang, Stacy Hague, and of course, Bill, for joining in the music. And thanks to all of you who came and/or contributed to making possible my Rome adventure. You are such a gift and a blessing to me, and I am fortunate to have you in my life. Many, many thanks to all of you. May God reward your generosity and kindness in unforeseen ways. I will bring all of you to Rome with me and pray for you at all the holy places!
Much love,
Fr Charles
